Five Guys ★★

Oct 3, 2011


Five Guys Burgers and Fries definitely doesn’t feel like other fast food restaurants and the smell of beef and peanuts fill the air. It’s an incredibly popular place which raises the volume a few notches. For some reason, they advertise itself inside the restaurant with signs and placards of quotes and accolades from various newspapers and websites.

The menu at Five Guys is enormous and daunting. The first time I visited, the manager literally had to explain the menu to me (and I didn’t even ask for help). On their menu, the following items are listed: Hamburgers, Cheeseburgers, Bacon Burgers, Bacon Cheeseburgers, Little Hamburgers, Little Cheeseburgers, Little Bacon Burgers, and Little Bacon Cheeseburgers.

Don’t let the names fool you, the Little varieties aren’t any smaller. A “Cheeseburger” is more accurately described as two burger patties with two slices of cheese. A “Little Cheeseburger” is a one burger patty with one slice of cheese. In addition, there are fifteen unique toppings listed. You can order “everything” or “all the way” which—deceptively—gives you only half of those listed toppings added to your burger.

In addition to the burgers, they also serve Kosher Style Hot Dogs, Cheese Dogs, Bacon Dogs and Bacon Cheese Dogs. Also: a Veggie Sandwich, Cheese Veggie Sandwich and a Grilled Cheese.

Fries. Now this is important… the Regular size fries at Five Guys are enough for at least two people. The Large size fries are for roughly four people. Why they over-portion food is beyond my understanding. A person without ever being explained this might order a cheeseburger and fries and not realize that they got a double cheeseburger with more fries than they can eat.

A Cheeseburger (two meat patties, two cheese slices) with fries and a drink will come to a total of about $10 before tax.

Five Guys' Little Cheeseburger

Your order comes in an unmarked brown paper bag with grease stains (if you ordered fries) regardless of whether you intend to eat it in the restaurant or take it to-go. First things first: tear open the bag. Don’t bother trying to dig your burger out; it’s at the bottom and the fries are spilled all over the top. If you try getting your burger out your hands will end up greasy before you take a single bite. If you got the Cajun fries (which are amazing by the way), God help you, because the seasoning is going to get everywhere. This experience is by far the messiest of any burger joint I’ve been to in my life.

Once you’ve got the burger, you’ll find it wrapped in foil. For the life of me I cannot understand this. The people wrapping the burger have absolutely no respect for what they’ve just created for you. They smush the burger by wrapping it up. Go Google Image search “Five Guys cheeseburger” and you’ll see what I mean. There’s nothing pretty about this burger at all. If you bite into your burger within 2 minutes of receiving it, you’ll notice something terrible: cold, unmelted cheese. It’s like they don’t understand to put the cheese on the burger before they take it off the grill. They treat the cheese like a second-class citizen and put it on the burger at the same time as every other topping. Cheeseburger 101.

The fallen heroes of this burger, which include two whole pieces of bacon. Without reconstructing your burger after every bite, this is what happens.

Take another bite and you’ll find that half of your burger has now dropped onto the foil. This includes small bits of lettuce and other toppings like bacon. Though the burgers tasty, the experience is messy and just about pathetic. But the fries are the real stars. They’re delicious. A masterpiece of fried potatoes.

At twice the cost of an In-N-Out meal, it’s hard to justify making it a regular lunch place. The fries, however, are what makes it worth going to.

In all honesty, Five Guys is not deserving of the hype and recognition it gets. I have a feeling this is because Five Guys covers the nation, and compared to McDonalds or other nationwide burger chains, it’s way better.

Tip: If you live in California, go to Five Guys and get fries then drive over to In-N-Out and get a DoubleDouble.


Yay!

  • bacon
  • tasty burger
  • free peanuts
  • tons of yummy seasoned fries

Boo!

  • cold cheese
  • toppings easily fall out
  • flakey, mangled bun
  • misleading menu
  • expensive

Five Guys ★★